OK, so we're getting used to bizarre pronouncements from the TSA regarding their latest security rulings. We thought nothing could shake us out of our jaded posture until we saw the latest rulings on monkeys. Yes, monkeys.

Sure enough, if you're planning to head through security with your helper monkey, prepare to have your monkey touched. You heard it here first. So, for those of you traveling with your monkeys, be prepared for the following screening procedures before heading out:

• When a monkey is being transported in a carrier, the monkey must be removed from the carrier by the handler prior to screening,
• The monkey must be controlled by the handler throughout the screening process.
• The monkey handler should carry the monkey through the WTMD while the monkey remains on a leash.
• When the handler and monkey go through the WTMD and the WTMD alarms, both the handler and the monkey must undergo additional screening.
• Since monkeys may likely draw attention, the handler will be escorted to the physical inspection area where a table is available for the monkey to sit on.  Only the handler will touch or interact with the monkey.
• TSOs have been trained to not touch the monkey during the screening process.
• TSOs will conduct a visual inspection on the monkey and will coach the handler on how to hold the monkey during the visual inspection.
• The inspection process may require that the handler take off the monkey’s diaper as part of the visual inspection.